My heart is sad as I write this tonight. As I sit here in bed with my space heater, b/c I never seem to feel warm these days, sipping green veggie juice as a dessert to my bone broth dinner, b/c it's all that my stomach can tolerate, I try to figure out where it all went wrong.
I have always prided myself on living a healthy lifestyle. I've never been extremely overweight, hospitalized, or consistently ill. I've always exercised when I am able and eaten veggies b/c I honestly think they are delicious. I have few vices as far as foods go and can remove/eliminate any item without desperate feelings of longing. And yet, ironically enough I am ill. I have been sick for quite a while. This unknown ailment festering and waiting in secret until it decided to completely wipe me out.
When people ask, "how long have you been sick?" I always answer dating back to the day I can remember feeling the acute and intense pain. But in truth, I have probably been sick for a lot longer and I just didn't realize. Small nagging symptoms passed off as tweaks or sort-of nags, etc. But looking back, those were probably small glitches waving their nasty little hands in the air like, hey there- you're sick inside here!
The frustrating this is that the doctors and all of their fancy- expensive- tests have found very little in the form of a diagnosis. It's more or less a high stakes game of roulette and my livelihood bounces around the wheel with every agonizing roll.
Gastritis- try this pill. Oh, it sets your insides on fire? Don't take that then. An ulcer- you're too stressed. It's a hernia b/c you lift too much weight. It could be a trapped gallstone- let's get a CT scan. Negative test. Sometimes that doesn't work- an ultrasound will be ordered. No eating or drinking water all day, but you can still take care of your three kids and educate them, right?! Your 4th round of blood work came back and your white blood cells are high- we need to test for allergies with another blood test. Wait a week and get another negative test. Time to see a specialist. So, you're still in pain, this whole time?! Weird. We've already cut out animal proteins and fats and dairy. You have only been eating broth soups, veggies and some rice. Stomach still hurts. No identified triggers.
Specialist has now order a radioactive Xray. They will basically pump me full of radioactive tracer while taking pictures of my insides and then pump more meds into me to produce and mimic my pain while they watch. I will be conscious so I can provide "feedback". A few days later I will get put under for an endoscopy so they can take more pictures of my insides by shoving a tube down my throat.
In the meantime, I am eating to reduce inflammation and cleansing in natural ways.
I am pretty sure I have rambled on long enough, I just needed to dump and vent a bit. I'm tired and going to bed early now.
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